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An   U N W E L C O M E   E Y E   O P E N E R

Author: Jess (
Rating: PG
Summary: Cordy gets just a little bit jealous...
Spoilers: Up to Dad.
Disclaimer: The characters don't belong to me. They belong to this guy with the weird name... Joss.
Distribution: Please ask the author.
Feedback: Writing in Cordy POV and in present tense was a real challenge, so please let me know how I did.

前ooh, I知 so glad you could rescue me, you tall dark and handsome hunk of a man you! I知 Carly! Do you like my cleavage? I mean, how can you miss it with the tacky, slutty, two-sizes-too-small dress that I知 wearing? I don稚 know your name yet, but can I have your kids? Oooh

Hmph. Somebody put me out of my misery. But if this chick puts her hands on Angel one more time, I知 taking her with me.

I知 all for helping the helpless. Really, I am. But some of these helpless people not only need help, but they need a freakin clue!

This girl this Carly was just attacked by a huge demon and she痴 hitting on Angel like five minutes later! What is her problem? Can she not grasp the concept that she almost died and we all had to save her? Oh, forgive me; she definitely knows that Angel saved her. She says it like every two seconds. 前h, thank you so much for saving my life. You池e my hero. How can I ever make it up to you? Blah, blah, blah. If she壇 ask me how to repay us, I壇 give her a three, maybe four digit number. But right now, I壇 settle for her just to shut her mouth.

徹h, gosh. I知 going on and on and I don稚 even know your name! You池e my hero and I don稚 even know what to call you.

填h, Angel.

Sheesh, this lady is a real sucker for that big dumb vampire cause her face just lit up at his name. Right. Now that they know each other痴 names, they can speed off the Vegas and get hitched.

典hat痴 such a beautiful name, Angel. It really suits you. You池e my angel after all.


Could you flirt any more shamelessly? How annoying.

And why the hell is Angel looking at her like that? It can稚 be because she痴 pretty because, well let痴 face it: she痴 not. She痴 definitely unattractive. Sure she痴 blond, but can we say peroxide? And her, with her rosy cheeks and perfectly shaped white teeth and big, pouty lips and almond shaped blue eyes Oh, yeah. She definitely got smacked with every branch when she fell down the ugly tree Not attractive at all...

Who am I kidding? She痴 like perfect!

Wha-What was that? Did I just hear a groan? Yes! It just happened again. Now who could have done that?

Hmm It must be either Gunn or Wes. Angel痴 too gentlemanly to groan at this woman while all her attention is focused on him. Both Wes and Gunn look totally disgusted.

Err maybe what they池e really groaning at is the gross demon slime that they池e covered in

No, wait! Not possible because Gunn just rolled his eyes. They are positively getting all groan-y towards the girl that痴 fawning all over Angel.

Whoa, that so did not sound right.

鏑et痴 go, Cordy.

Oh, God. The mental pictures! Eww


展hat? I look over at Angel and everyone痴 piling into his car. And guess who just practically ran poor, gooey Wesley over on her way to diving into the front seat next to Angel? Two guesses and the first one don稚 count.

展e池e leaving. Angel痴 got a hint of impatience in his voice. And that is a hint of impatience that better not be directed at me unless he wants to find out what a mixture of holy water and blood tastes like.

I値l just raise my eyebrows at him and slowly, very slowly, walk, no saunter, to the car.

鼎ordy, hurry up will ya? Me and Wes are in desperate need of a shower.

Big babies. Waitasecond. There痴 no way I知 sitting back there with them while there痴 still puss oozing off their clothes. I知 sitting up front and I don稚 care what little Miss I知-gonna-go-home-and-start-my-very-own-Angel-fan-club thinks about that.

Be polite. Be polite. Potential paying customer here. Be polite.

摘xcuse me. Ma誕m? That痴 pretty damn good. I never even called my own mother a ma誕m.

And how unsuccessful was that? This broad is still foaming at the mouth with chatter.

I clear my throat to try to get her to shut up.

Didn稚 work.

And polite was just chucked out the window.

滴ey! Damsel in distress girl! Get out of the car!

Oh yeah, that got her attention. And if she thinks that glare is going to faze me, she痴 got another thing coming.

摘xcuse me? Judging from her voice I壇 say that she thinks she was just insulted. Damn, she must be really dumb because I thought it was pretty obvious I just insulted her.

的 said get You know what? Just forget it.

Sometimes this new sweet and sensitive me really gets on my nerves. I would really like to just put this girl in her place right now and I致e got the perfect insult to do it. Being a bitch just doesn稚


Yes he did! The bastard. And she痴 got the nerve to smile back and act all What was that word my mother used to say?

Cod Coid Coy! She痴 acting so coy, as if two minutes ago she wasn稚 all over him like flies on honey.

Oh, that does it! I値l just climb over her and nudge myself between these two lovebirds to keep them both in check.

展hat the hell? Ow!

Oopsy daisies. My bad. I didn稚 mean to elbow Carly in the chest. Total accident.

As I settle myself down in between she and Angel I mutter my oh-so-humble apologies. 徹h, sorry. My fault.

哲o kidding.

Oh, no she did not. 鏑isten you little tramp Ugh!

Did Angel just elbow me in the gut??



Yeah, yeah. Oh, I get your eye messages you stupid vampire, 全hut up, Cordy. Fine.

OK, weird. Usually when I stick my tongue out at Angel he doesn稚 try to bite back a smile like that. I usually get an eye roll or he shakes his head.

The car ride back to the hotel? Officially the most awkward and uncomfortable ten minutes of my life.

Between the stench emitting off Wes and Gunn in the back seat, this new girl, Carly... talk about a dumb name... and Angel痴 hand between my legs so he could shift the car痴 gears I thought I might scream.

When I walk into the Hyperion Fred痴 playing peek-a-boo with Connor. She痴 the one that gets stuck with the baby sitting duties while Angel, Gunn, Wes, and me go out and fight whatever big bad is going bump in the night; and in my head thanks to the visions.

You would think that having a baby around would totally cramp our 遡ill all bad things in Cordy痴 visions, save the girl, and rid L.A. of evil life style but not really. Not too much, anyway.

滴ow was Connor tonight, Fred? Angel asks as he picks up his baby, lighting up his whole face. And for a second I almost forget that his clothes are torn and that he痴 got a huge cut on his forehead.

鄭ww, that is so sweet! Jeez, that Carly chick again. She痴 still here? Can稚 we take her home now? 添ou池e a single parent? Off Angel痴 reluctant nod she unfortunately continues, 的 really respect that. I mean, wow. You save people daily and you still have time to raise a baby. That痴 amazing.

Perhaps she would like Angel to turn around and drop his pants. It would be easier for her to kiss his ass that way.

鄭ngel, could I please talk to you. Privately? Carly wants to talk to him privately? This cannot be good. Very, very not good.

He痴 taking her back into Wesley痴 office without even asking him. Rude much?

I just need to lie down on this really super comfortable couch that we have here in the lobby.

Yeah the one that Gunn just threw himself on. How about that chair

That Wes just sat in.

Damn it! Fine. The floor will be just fine.

Could this night be any worse? I mean, let痴 just go down the list of things that could go wrong.

Mind shattering, and severe pain inducing vision depicting a brutal death? Check.

Sweaty and totally tiring fight with a demon? Check.

Rescue the girl who turns out to be as grating on your nerves as nails on a chalkboard? Check.

I come back to the hotel and lie on the cold, hard floor? Check.

Seems like a pretty crappy evening to me.

But I致e got to give the floor props. From here I致e got a perfect view of Angel and Carly痴 conversation.

She asks him a question He thinks She says something to him without waiting for an answer, covering her face with her hands He looks at her and shakes his head, saying something. Then moves her hands to look at her, nods, and talks to her again She smiles. Is it humanly possible for someone to smile that big? Maybe she痴 a demon.

You know what? Just- just- whatever! I致e just decided that I don稚 care. My head hurts too much to be worrying about that girl. She痴 not a threat.

But if she was I don稚 know what it is she would be threatening.

展hy are you lying on the floor, Cordy? Angel痴 looming over me like a big huge pillar of I知 too tired to think of something clever right now.

徹nly place I could lie down.

添ou could致e gone to one of the vacant rooms upstairs, or even mine, to lay down.

典oo far to walk. Besides I知 going home soon. You値l take me?

Why did that little ahem I mean Carly, look at me like that?

徹f course. But, uh, just wait here for a while. I知 going to take Carly home first.


展hatever. I値l be here waiting.

迭ight here? On the floor?

添es! Oops, didn稚 mean for my voice to be quite that loud. But why is it so hard to believe that I can be comfortable laying on the floor?

鄭ngel? Could I speak with you?

鉄ure, Wes.

Wes looks from Angel to the blond leech by his side then back to Angel. 鼎oncerning Angel Investigation matters?

Oh, God. Angel just got a clue. Who壇 of thunk it?

鼎arly, would you just wait in the car for me? I値l be right there.


And finally she leaves! I never thought I壇 be so happy to see a girl痴 back end.

And Angel seems to be enjoying the view too. That perverted

展hat were you and Carly discussing in my office?

vampire. Inconsiderate

徹h, it was nothing. Personal stuff.

jerk that just

哲ot when you use my office it isn稚.

leaves me lying here on floor

鉄he asked me out to dinner.

Didn稚 even try to help me up

鄭 date?

He could have at least pulled me off the ground

添es, we池e going on a date tomorrow night.

I know I didn稚 want to get up, but at least he should have


Continue on to 'A Well Thought Out Plan'...

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