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A M E N

Author: Dianna (artemisdb13@aol.com)
Rating: PG
Summary: Cordelia's thoughts, inspired by the episode "Reprise".
Spoilers: Vaguely a little bit of many things, S1 and S2. Esp. "Reunion" and "Reprise".
Disclaimer: Angel and BtVS © Joss Whedon, David Greenwalt and Fox.
Distribution: Priceless. If you want it, sure :D Just tell me where it is.
Feedback: Yes, definitely. But be gentle, this is my virgin outing as a fic writer. Suggestions are welcome.
Author's Note: I would just like to tribute "Reprise". I've never written before. It takes a very powerful episode to get me to sit down long enough to write even a short piece like this one. The song lyrics are from Jewel's first album Pieces of You. It's called Amen.

"Donít make me move you."

He said that. He said that to me, and I couldnít think of a single word to reply. I should have had a sharp comeback in a second. If it had been anyone else... but no, not him. It hurt too much.

(Where are my angels?)

I know no one is perfect.. Heís always fighting his dark side. Heís always afraid of it. Afraid of what it might do. But he canít just win over himself. I know what he was thinking. He fired me... --- us, because he we canít handle the darkness within him. Itís for our own good.

(Whereís my golden one?)

How could he still think that, after we have been through so much together? The light at the end of the tunnel is still there, and I told him that I would be with him until he gets to it. Doesnít he remember?

(Where is my hope now that my heroes have gone?)

He abandoned his duty. He wonít play by the rules anymore, because the rules make it that much harder. He once said something about the clarity of evil. Evil allows you the luxury of blood vengeance. Evil allows you to do what you want without the rules, without the morals to weigh you down. What is Angel after? He wants to fulfill his ďdestinyĒ prophesied by all the prophecies. He wants to save all the lives. Whether to earn his redemption, or to just make to it end... I donít know if it matters to him anymore. That scares me. I was his closest friend. And now, heís so far gone, I donít know what he wants. I donít know what he is anymore.

(Some are being beaten.)

I do know that two wrongs donít make a right. And I do know that heís tired. I get that. Heís given up on atonement. Heís given up hope. Heís given up trying to fight the darkness inside. But doesnít he understand? Everyone has evil in them. And Angel is just like everyone else. Heís one of a kind. But heís not alone. There are people in this world who love him. Thereís me.

(Some are being born.)

Thereís me and Wesley and Gunn, who would have been right alongside him. Some people are oblivious to magic and monsters and evil around them. Some people will ignore it. Close their eyes and have selective memory. Before Buffy came to Sunnydale, I was one of those people. But I found out first hand that some people will fight. As much as I hate to admit it, Buffy Summers changed my life and not for the worse. Still, even then, I was never part of the evil fighting gang. And I didnít want to be. I was just ďXanderís girlfriendĒ. It wasnít until meeting up with Angel in L.A. that I had a mission. He changed my life. Doyle changed my life. The Powers That Be changed my life. Sure, thereís the headaches and the pain and the danger every day. But for the first time, I have a purpose.

(Some canít tell the difference anymore.)

Angel has a purpose. Heís a hero. Heís a champion. Heís a good person. Heís a friend. At least, he was. I donít know if I can forgive him yet. Because right now, heís lost. The Powers That Be, God, whoever is up there... I still believe. Give him a sign. We need help. I need him. I donít know if I can even forgive him yet, but I need him. The world needs him.

(Amen.)

The End

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