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Script by Enthusiast.
f i l m » dialogue

Mullroy: "What’s your purpose in Port Royal , Mr. Smith?"
Murtogg: "Yeah, and no lies."
Jack: "Well, then, I confess, it is my intention to commandeer one of these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, raid, pillage, plunder and otherwise pilfer my weasely black guts out!"



Norrington: "You are without doubt the worst pirate I've ever heard of."
Jack: "But you have heard of me."



Will: "You're the one they're hunting. The pirate."
Jack: "You seem somewhat familiar. Have I threatened you before?"
Will: "I make a point of avoiding familiarity with pirates."
Jack: "Ah. Well, it would be a shame to put a black mark on your record. If you'll excuse me–"
(He moves to the door but Will grabs a sword, stopping him)
Jack: "You think this wise, boy, crossing blades with a pirate?"
Will: "You threatened Ms. Swann."
Jack: "Only a little."



(Jack and Will fight, jumping into the area where all the swords are hanging.)
Jack: "Who makes all these?"
Will: "I do! And I practice with them – three hours a day!"
Jack: "You need to find yourself a girl, mate!"
(They continue fighting once more, until they block each others swords)
Jack: "Or, perhaps the reason you practice three hours a day is that you already found one, and are otherwise uncapable of wooing said strumpet. You're not a eunuch, are you?" (looks down)
Will: "I practice three hours a day, so when I meet a pirate, I can kill it!"



Will: "You cheated."
Jack: "...Pirate!"



(Jack lifts his pistol, pointing it at Will)
Jack: "Move away!"
Will: "No!"
Jack: "Please move?!"
Will: "No! I cannot just step aside and let you escape!"
Jack: (cocks pistol) "This shot was not meant for you."



Will: "We're gonna steal a ship. That ship?"
Jack: "Comandeer. We're gonna comandeer that ship. Nautical term."
(Jack turns to face Will)
Jack: "One question about your business, boy. There's no use going. This girl.. How far are you willing to go to save her?"
Will: "I'd die for her."
Jack. "Oh, good. No worries then."



(Will and Jack travel to the Dauntless underwater using the small boat while walking under it)
Will: "This is either madness or brilliance."
Jack: "It's remarkable how often those two traits coincide."



(Jack and Will go down to the Dauntless' deck, Jack holding a gun while Will wields a sword)
Jack: "Everyone stay calm! We are taking over the ship."
Will: "Aye! Avast!"
(The crew starts laughing while Jack looks over at Will strangely. Will raises his eyebrows, an innocent expression.)



Jack: "Do you have the courage and the fortitude to follow orders and stay true in the face of danger and almost certain death?"



(Mr. Gibbs talks about the Black Pearl crew marooning Jack on an island)
Mr. Gibbs: "...But not before he got mad with hate."
Will: "Ah. So that's the reason for the.." (he raises an eyebrow and lifts his hands, doing an impression of Jack, quite drunkenly)



(Mr. Gibbs tells Will a ridiculous story about how Captain Jack got off an island, with only a pistol and one bullet by finding some sea turtles and roping them together)
Will: "What did he use for rope?"
Mr. Gibbs: "Uh, well..."
(They both look up and see Jack standing there)
Jack: "Human hair. From my back."



Jack: (to Will) "Do us a favor...I know it's hard...but stay here, and try not to do anything...stupid."



Jack: "You forgot one very important thing mate... I'm Captain Jack Sparrow."



Jack: "Stop blowing holes in my ship!"



Barbossa: "Thank you, Jack."
Jack: "You're welcome."
Barbossa: "No, not you. We named the monkey Jack."



(Will points his pistol at Barbossa)
Barbossa: "You've only got one shot and we can't die."
(Will darts back, jumping on the edge of the ship while pointing the pistol to his chin)
Will: "You can't. I can."
Barossa: "Who are you?"
(Jack runs up and puts himself between Will and Barbossa)
Jack: "No one! He's no one! Distant cousin of my aunt's nephew. Twice removed. Lovely singing voice though. Eunuch!"



Elizabeth: "So that's it, then? That's the journey of the imfamous Captain Jack Sparrow? You spent three days, lying on a beach drinking rum?"
Jack: (lifts rum bottles) "Welcome to the Caribbean, love."



Jack: "Why is the rum gone?"
Elizabeth: "One, because it is a vile drink that turns even the most respectable men into complete scoundrels. Two, that signal is over a thousand feet high. The entire Royal Navy is out looking for me, do you really think that there is even the slightest chance that they won’t see it?"
Jack: "But why is the rum gone?"



Jack: "Must've been terrible for you to be trapped here on the island, Jack– (puts on a falsetto voice, mocking Elizabeth) 'Must've been terrible for you.' Well it bloody is now!" (he stops walking along the beach, spotting a ship) "There'll be no living with her after this."



Jack: "A wedding! I love weddings. Drinks all around!"



Will: "Where is Elizabeth?"
Jack: (slaps guys hand) "She's safe just like I promised, she's set to marry Norrington just like she promised, and you get to die for her just like you promised. So you see we are all men of our word really... except for Elizabeth, who is, in fact, a woman."



Jack: "Me, I'm dishonest, and with a dishonest man you can always trust him to be dishonest. Honestly. It's the honest ones you have to watch out for, because you never know when he's going to turn around and do something incredibly (looks to Will) stupid!"



Governor Swann: "On our return to Port Royal, I granted you clemency and this is how you thank me? By throwing in your lot with him? He’s a pirate!"
Will: "And a good man." (Jack points to himself proudly) "If all I have achieved here is that the hangman will earn two pairs of boots instead of one, so be it. At least my conscience will be clear."
Norrington: "You forget your place, Turner."
Will: "It’s right here, between you and Jack."



Jack: (notices the parrot) "Well! I’m actually feeling rather good about this." (to Governor Swann) "I think we've all reached a very special place, I say? Spiritually, ecumenically, grammatically?" (to Norrington) "I want you to know that I was rooting for you, mate. Know that. Elizabeth …it would never have worked between us, darling. I’m sorry. Will …nice hat. Men! This is the day that you will always remember as the day that you–" (falls over battlement)



(Jack looks out over the wheel of the Black Pearl)
Jack: "Bring me that horizon."
(He looks down at his compass, then starts to mutter the Pirate's Life for Me song)
Jack: "...And really bad eggs. Drink up, me 'arties, yo ho!"