Title: Lost and Bound
Author: PenM (email@example.com)
Summary: Love, hate, and everything and anything in-between.
Disclaimer: Belongs to the mouse. Woe. Despair.
Author's Notes: Short drabble. It's no use asking me what it means. I've no idea what it means.
She calls it freedom.
Says the high seas are beautiful, and she can't imagine anything more gorgeous, more free. She calls it freedom the way I would stand, a lone figure, on crow's nest duty, the sun beating down on me, waves gently rocking the Pearl.
She calls it freedom. How wrong she is.
I'm bound to those damned things. I can't let it go. Left her, left everything for this. I can't just leave this now. I found somewhere I belong. Something I've been searching for, all this bloody time. Somewhere I belong, and I don't want to belong there.
Him. I'm bound to him.
You know what I mean. Dark eyes, braids, beads, bit mad, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Bound to him, I can't let him go. He knows it. Sometimes I catch him smiling, and I will snarl, and he will smile because he knows I cannot live any where else or any other life. I will hate him with every ounce of my being, and he will smile and make me love him.
It's useless, like trying to hate your own hand, or something you can never be separated from. I hate loving him; I love hating him. I can't do either properly, and I wonder why.
Sometimes I want out. Sometimes I want out. And sometimes I don't want to want that.
I'm lost. Been lost for a long, long time now.
I can't ever leave. He knows it. If I left, I'd be nothing. I'll stick it out then, hope it gets better. Bide my time. Burn away the years with his kisses, touch and glances. Hate him by day and make love to him by night. He will make it difficult to want to leave, and he will make it difficult to want to stay. I will belong to this ship and its captain. I will while away my years. I can hope it gets better. It never will.
Best not to ask.