Author: Corialis (email@example.com)
Rating: high PG - 13
Summary: In which Will gets very drunk and says things he shouldn't, Jack is unnecessarily tormented, and everyone ends up in an uncomfortable situation at least twice. Post-movie, but no spoilers; a bit more serious than it sounds, though not much.
Disclaimer: Not mine, alas. If anything, I'm theirs.
Feedback: Yes, please, anything you want to give. It feeds the plotbunnies but is even better than lettuce.
The streets of New Orleans were cramped and narrow, and smelled like a bizarre combination of sex, alcohol, and gardenias. As people shoved past him and whores shouted propositions from corners, Will Turner wondered, not for the first time, what the hell he was doing there. Elizabeth would have killed him had she known.
Then again, Elizabeth wanted to kill him anyway. So it all worked out in the end.
He sighed as he made his way into one of the taverns, planning to get completely drunk and forget about everything else in the world, if he was lucky.
The inside of the tavern reeked of smoke and sweat, candlelight reflecting off the rather suspect-looking patrons who eyed him from the corners as he walked up to the bar. "What's a pretty boy like you doing in a place like this?" the bartender leered at him from behind the counter.
"He's with me," a familiar voice replied from behind Will's shoulder. Will's eyebrows practically shot up past his hairline. It couldn't be.
"Two beers, if you'd be so kind," the voice continued, while Will blinked rapidly and tried to convince himself to wake up. When the bartender handed over the drinks in exchange for a few coins, Will felt a callused hand wrap around his wrist and pull him toward one of the nearby empty tables, where he sat down in shock.
"Jack? What the blazes are you doing here?" Will could hardly believe that he'd run into Jack, of all people, after two years without any contact whatsoever. It was a bit of shock, though not necessarily an unpleasant one. During his marriage to Elizabeth, he'd often found himself longing for the deck of a ship and feel of the sea breeze on his face.
Captain Jack Sparrow gave a roguish smirk. "Shouldn't I be asking you that? This place is for more suited to someone like me than a, shall we say, pretty boy such as yourself."
"So what *is* a pretty boy like you doing here, anyway? Shouldn't you be at home in Port Royal with Mrs. Elizabeth Turner and a few mini-Turners rather than hanging around on the other side of the Gulf Of Mexico?"
Will groaned. "Can we please not talk about Elizabeth?"
Jack snickered. "Oh, dear. Trouble in the land of wedded bliss? Regretting your brilliant decision to chase after her?"
"She claimed I never really loved her in the first place. Or rather, that I did, but then stopped. I believe her response when I asked her to explain was, 'ever since your adventures in piracy with that Captain of yours, you've been a completely different person!'," Will said, partly in a remarkable falsetto impression of Elizabeth. "Can you believe that?"
Jack eyed him suspiciously. "Are you *sure* you're not a eunuch?"
Will glared. "Ha ha ha. Very funny. I just told you how my relationship with the only woman I ever loved fell apart because of you, and all you can do is question whether I've got any balls or not."
"Well, you did do a rather accurate impersonation of Elizabeth there."
"Hmph." Will rolled his eyes and took a long drink from his mug. "So. What are you doing here?"
Jack shrugged. "I'm a pirate, remember mate? I go a lot of places. And this place is great. Crew's around here somewhere, I think. Now, Will?"
"Here's an idea," Jack said, sounding very sure of himself. "Let's just get completely pissed and forget about Elizabeth, whatever trouble my crew is probably getting in, and everything else we've ever had to bother with. Savvy?"
Will smiled. Things were shaping up.
Three hours and more mugs of alcohol than Will could count later, everything was seemingly uproariously funny.
"D-do you know what Eli-Elizabell-Elizzbeth told me?" Will giggled. "When I asked what was so wrong between us?"
Jack raised an eyebrow and attempted to rest his chin in his hand, but ended up missing and landing on his arm instead. "Lemme guess," he waved his mug in an extravagant gesture. "That you was a no-good pirate-chasin' whelp?"
"She...she told me that she thought I was in love with you!" Will could barely talk, he was laughing so hard, and his words slurred together. "She claimed everyone knows what pirates really get up to with no women aboard ship for months and that you sah...sih...seduced me. I just figured you were with that Ana Maria woman."
If he had been a bit less drunk, Will would have noticed Jack suddenly sitting a bit straighter and looking more alert than he had for the past few hours. "She's not my type, trust me. And...are you in love with me?"
Will giggled some more. "Y'know. I suspect I might be. I did think you were rather dashing when I found you in the blacksmith shop and tried to kill you. Who would've thought?"
Jack shook his head as if to clear it. "Who would've thought, indeed."
Will tilted his head. "Jack?"
"Hmm?" Jack looked as though he wasn't sure whether to rejoice or start running as fast as possible in the opposite direction.
Jack flinched. "Bad idea, Will. You're drunk."
He smiled brightly. "So are you."
Will idly wondered for a minute why Jack seemed sober all of a sudden, then decided it was a pirate thing because Jack *had* been drunk a few minutes ago and did his best to climb over the table and onto Jack.
The other people in the tavern were giving the pair sideways glances and murmuring to themselves.
Will laughed and finally managed to scramble into a position where he was straddling Jack's lap, despite the pirate's best attempts to keep him off. "C'mon, Jack," he whispered, still slurring his speech. "You want me, don't you?" He ran one of his hands down Jack's chest to his crotch, where he palmed Jack's half-hard erection through his breeches.
Jack's eyes widened. "Why don't we take this to my room?" he suggested, breathlessly.
Will gave him another brilliant smile. "Good thinking."
With Will's continued drunken attempts to grope Jack and lick his neck at the same time - some of which were distractingly successful - it was a wonder they made it up to the room at all.
"Will, you really should stop it, you'll regret this later and I really don't want to have to deal with you trying to kill me."
Will didn't bother acknowledging that Jack had said anything and instead pushed him back onto the bed and gave him a searing kiss that, unbeknownst to him, nearly destroyed Jack's last shreds of resolve.
"I think I left something in the bar," Jack stammered. "I'll be right back, I promise."
Will looked up at him from underneath dark lashes through his tousled hair, his eyes burning. "Don't take too long."
Jack stumbled out of the room and stood outside the door, panting and swearing that Will would be the death of him one day, while Will pressed his ear to the other side of the wall and tried to make out what Jack was muttering to himself. He didn't manage it for very long before getting dizzy and decided to lie down. He dropped his shirt and boots on the floor and got onto the bed; he figured he'd end up there sooner or later, it was simply a matter of how long it took Jack to do the same.
When Jack walked back into the room moments later, he found that Will had sprawled on the bed and then proceeded to pass out. Jack sighed. It was probably for the best, he supposed. Just because he himself had sobered up almost immediately after Will announced to all and sundry that he was in love with him didn't mean that Will had. And it wasn't a very good idea to take advantage of drunk people, no matter how badly one wanted to. Jack had learned *that* the hard way.
He leaned his head back until it hit the wall. Will had left him in a most uncomfortable position, the bastard. He sighed again, and walked back down to the bar to see if any of the prostitutes even vaguely caught his interest, though he personally thought that none of them could compare to the flushed and smoldering-eyed man currently asleep in his room. It was better than being left with only his own right hand for company.
Jack shook his head as he headed back down to the bar. He could have understood it if Will had simply lusted after him; Jack was all too familiar with the feeling. But in love with him? It was impossible.
People don't fall in love with pirates. Things don't work that way.
The next morning, Will woke up and decided that the entire British army was drilling on the inside of his skull.
"Wakey wakey, William," Jack smirked from his chair at the end of the bed. Will flinched and groaned loudly, to Jack's amusement.
"Must you be so bloody loud?" he muttered and tried to burrow his head into the pillow.
"Your fault for getting so pissed last night."
Will groaned again and wondered what could have possibly possessed him to get so smashed and what stupid things he'd probably done. Then he rolled over and saw Jack sitting in the chair and idly playing with one of his rings, and decided that he was never, ever getting drunk ever again because it obviously turned him into a lunatic and put his mind on a temporary vacation. The site of Jack at the foot of the bed had been quite enough for him to remember everything he'd said. It had to be because of all the drinking. There was no other explanation for the fact that he had announced he was in love with Jack.
Not that he was denying that he was. Because Elizabeth may have had a point, after all, and the Captain *was* very handsome. And, if he could remember anything coherently from the previous night, obviously interested. And was clearly very good at everything he did. Granted, Jack was also quite mad and had no idea of the concept of personal space, though Will wasn't sure if that was a bad thing or not. But that was completely forgivable considering that it was the same man who wore shirts that hung open to expose tempting expanses of tanned skin and somehow always managed to be in complete control of everything no matter how insane he seemed.
Said madman was busy waving his hand in front of Will's face. "Will? Will? You in there?"
Will blinked and shook his head. "What?"
Jack snickered. "Welcome back to the land of the living."
Will tilted his head slightly in a way oddly reminiscent of the previous night and ran his eyes up and down the body of the Captain. Jack raised an eyebrow, and Will blushed slightly as he realized what he was doing.
"Jack what did I do last night?"
Jack paled slightly, though maintained his usual rather unruffled veneer. "You don't remember?"
"I do. I thought I was hallucinating for a minute, though."
"Oh, dear," Jack laughed nervously. "Not that it matters. You were completely drunk off your arse."
"I still remember what I said, though." Will figured that, even if he had been completely drunk when he said it, declarations of love weren't to be taken lightly.
"Are you quite sure?"
"Yes. And I meant it, too." Will said earnestly as something akin to disbelief flickered in Jack's eyes.
"You couldn't possible have meant it. You couldn't even talk properly." Jack sounded skeptical.
Will attempted to look at Jack meaningfully, but was distracted by the pirate pinching himself on the arm. "Jack, what the blazes are you doing?"
Jack paid him no attention. "Blast it, why isn't it working? I must have fallen asleep in the chair!"
Will furrowed his forehead. "Are you quite alright?"
"Bloody useless method of waking up," Jack muttered, continuing to pinch his arm. "Painful *and* ineffective."
Will sat up and moved over so that he was sitting with his legs hanging off the foot of the bed, and leaned over, his face mere centimeters away from Jack's. "Did it ever occur to you," he asked, "that it isn't working because you're awake?"
Jack did a passable impression of an owl as his eyes widened and he blinked rapidly. "Definitely must be dreaming," he said.
Will just laughed, then leaned in, pulled Jack's hat off, and kissed him.
After a few minutes of this, Jack had decided that it wasn't a dream, that Will really was in love with him, and passed out. Will sighed in frustration. He couldn't win, it seemed. He debated attempting to pick up Jack and drop him onto the bed, but decided that it wasn't worth the probable arm strain and went to go get water.
While on his search for water, Will felt rather smug. Jack would come around eventually, he figured, and then they could do something alone the lines of sail off into the sunset like in one of those ridiculous romance novels he suspected Elizabeth had a secret fondness for.
When Will returned, he promptly dumped the water over Jack's head.
"What was that for?" Jack shouted, and scrambled to his feet. "Completely unnecessary torment!"
"You passed out," Will explained.
"I did not. I simply woke up from a rather long, involved, and slightly frightening dream in which you were suddenly not yourself."
Will laughed. "Somehow, I don't think you're talking about a dream."
Jack boggled. "You mean..."
"Yes, I really am in love with you. And I did kiss you, too, before you decided to pass out on me." Will grabbed Jack's arm before he could start pinching himself again. "You're not dreaming. I promise."
Jack eyed him suspiciously. "You swear? How can I be sure?"
"I swear. And would I really have dumped cold water on you in your dream if you were dreaming?"
Jack looked thoughtful for a moment and poked Will tentatively as though making sure he wasn't a figment of his imagination. Apparently satisfied that he really was awake, Jack pulled Will towards him by the front of his shirt and kissed him.
"About bloody time," Will murmured when they broke apart. Jack's face broke out into an evil-looking grin and he pushed Will backwards so that he was once again sprawled out on the bed.
"So," he said, dropping what he referred to as his 'effects' onto a table in the corner of the room and walking towards the bed in the manner of a wildcat stalking its prey. "You want to be ravished by Captain Jack Sparrow, is that it?"
"That," Will breathed, "sounds like one of the cleverest plans you've ever come up with."
"I think I can manage that," Jack replied wickedly.
"Were you planning on going back to Port Royal?"
Will contemplated the question for a minute. He had no relationship left to salvage with Elizabeth, and not much else in Port Royal left to return to. "Why?"
"We're short a crew member aboard the Pearl," Jack answered slyly.
Will smiled. "I'd be more than happy to fill in, if you'll have me."
Jack's kohl-smudged eyes glittered. "I don't think you'll need to worry about me not wanting to have you anytime."
Will shot Jack a sideways look.
"Oh, but before you join the crew," Jack added, almost as an afterthought. "There's a song I have to teach you..."